It is often common for the person you believe to have an eating disorder to deny they have a problem at all. This is where things get tricky. You certainly don't want to engage in a futile and often inflammatory battle of wills, but nor should you completely surrender to their denial. In learning about eating disorders, you will come to understand that this denial, and subsequent anger or refusal to seek help is a part of their illness. They will likely be ashamed of their situation and moreover, fear that by seeking help that they will lose control of their own weight.
To compromise, you might want to offer up information or point them in the direction of resources that could help them. Allow them to deal with these in their own time. If receptive, you could also offer to go to 'just one' appointment with a doctor, eating disorder specialist or nutritionist with them. This might help start to turn things around without demanding a commitment to ongoing treatment.
When someone's behaviours around food seems problematic, it can be very easy to focus only their eating habits when you speak with them. Likewise, it can be very hard to bite your tongue when someone is blatantly not looking after themselves. Understand that these problems are more about their own emotional battles and difficulties with self-worth than they are about fats and carbs. If and when you do talk about food, make sure you balance it with your concerns about them as an individual.
There is a very fine line between being honest about your feelings relating to someone's behaviour and emotionally unloading your problems onto them. For people with eating disorders, it is good for you to model for them that it is both important and acceptable to get in touch with feelings that might be the source of shame or feel dangerous. Let them know what behaviour or action they have taken you want to discuss, how it has made you feel, and how you are going to personally deal with it. Explaining to them how you have taken the time to learn about eating disorders and just listening to them are great ways of showing them you care without making it seem like you are forcing them to change
What a few days I have had. I'm finally on my way home after a very long week that began with a stag-do in Wales before heading straight to Switzerland to meet up with my brother and join his school's Rugby tour. It was an enjoyable if tiring week and I thought I'd use the flight home to reflect upon the experience.
In addition to delivering the gym sessions with them, I was also in charge of getting them prepared for their games and training sessions. The first session a great time to assess what I would be working with. I think that warm ups not only serve as a great way to do this, but can provide insight into the character strengths of the group. When you set them a novel physical challenge, how do they respond? Who gives it a go no matter what, who doesn't even attempt it? This week I used Dan John's 'get back up' warm up for part of the first warm up. It requires minimal instruction, and as well as a good laugh, when you ask 33 adolescents to do a straight arm plank with their arms behind their back, you start to see who the more determined and creative really are. Unsurprisingly, there was a real mix of physical and character-based competency in the group.
When you know someone has an eating disorder it can be quite natural to try to label the problem. By giving it a name it can help us to make sense of it, and to mentally partition it as a separate issue. This is not particularly useful for the person involved, and it can be quite dehumanising. We should never label them, or argue with them that there is a problem. If you find yourself becoming accusatory in tone, try to reframe what you say to be more compassionate and understanding. Let them know, that problem or no problem, you are still worried for them and are there to help them find a solution.
When it comes to helping people with an eating disorder, its as simple as this - there is no one-size-fits all solution. An eating disorder has no single cause, and will be multifactorial in nature. They are complex issues. As a friend or family member of someone with an eating disorder, first do your best to learn as much as you can about eating disorders. If necessary, speak with a qualified therapist to learn more. Those with eating disorders can have a deep ambivalence and resistance to change which might seem at odds with other things they say. Make sure you've done your due diligence before you try to engage with them in depth.
I recently came across the description of some disturbing behaviour from a young client with an eating disorder. It related to two behaviours of the strength and conditioning coach staff at their training facility. i) The S&C coaches had encouraged the athletes not to eat pudding at lunch. As far as the athlete was concerned there was also ii) the threat that should the coaches see an athlete eating pudding at lunch, they'd come and take it away from them.
Its actually hard to know where to start with this. Now I'm not here to dissect what was actually said, as it doesn't really matter. The NLP presupposition 'the meaning of your communication is the response you get' its a useful one in this instance though. I hope that the paragraph above makes you at least feel uncomfortable. Either way, I'll try to explain how, and why this sort of rhetoric can be utterly destructive to an athlete, and why it should not be a problem that occurs at all.
Undoubtedly, these comments were uttered with a positive intent. Yes, weight plays a role in athletic performance. Yes, eating less processed foods, and eating more, colourful, fresh fruits and vegetables is going to have a broadly positive impact on health, well-being, body composition and on athletic performance. Yes, the S&C coach wants to help improve many if not all of these things in their athletes.
This is a population of potentially vulnerable individuals. Of individuals with perfectionist tendencies. These people will often struggle to appropriately process and assimilate information regarding any sort of food restraint.
There is a very fine line between advice around food restraint and being a food bully. I think this falls on the wrong side of that line. Coaches must respect that their words come from a position of authority, and carry more weight. What implications might this approach have for someone with lower self esteem, or poor body image. We want to build our athletes up, not break them down.
Consider the shame and embarassment and even fear that would be created from such an statement or the environment it creates. Not exactly conducive to 'high performance'. There is a place for almost any food (in moderation) in a healthy and balanced diet. It almost goes without saying that we don't want to be linking any food group or type to negative emotional states. The generality of this unguarded comment has clearly been misconstrued and has unfortunately resulted in almost the opposite of the intended effect.
Few S&C coaches are actually adequately trained and qualified to dispense appropriate nutritional advice on weight loss. Just because weight and body composition is related to athletic performance, S&C coaches MUST NOT be mistaken in thinking they can or should advise on the matter. If you do think its something worthwhile changing, engage with qualified professionals. I've said this before, but unless you understand the physiological and psychological consequences of such advice, its best to keep your mouth shut. Now I don't know if these coaches were qualified or not to dispense such advice, but I'd argue that if the individuals involved had been qualified, they probably wouldn't have delivered the 'advice' it in the way they did. Food choices, although we might not be aware, can extremely personal to us and carry or convey underlying values and meaning. Quarrel with these at your own peril.
Ultimately, the overriding issue is that the mental health of an athlete must be prioritised before performance, especially if performance is your end goal. Perhaps this is a statement that not all of you will agree with, but without this hierarchy, I believe we’ll be seeing a few more Phyrric victories than necessary. Remember, we’re people first, and everything has a cost!
Be honest, how many of you know any of the codes of conduct of your professional organisation? Whether accredited with the UKSCA or not, I would strongly urge you to all revisit your professional or personal codes of conduct from time to time. I know at least one coach at the organisation involved in the above anecdote to be UKSCA accredited, and while this is not a whistleblowing exercise, there are arguably several points within the UKSCA codes of conduct that have been disregarded from just one seemingly innocent throwaway comment. I’ve copied out some of the most relevant ones to this situation below, but please take the time to read through the rest though, it’ll certainly be worthwhile:
When it comes to eating disorders, just one comment can be the precipitant for someone developing lasting problems. So when it comes to nutrition, unless qualified, you really are best off following Kelvin Giles' advice:
In coaching you will have thousands of opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.
Know your ethical and professional boundaries. Respect them. For adolescents and their nutrition, they are perhaps best left largely alone. If you must do something, broadly educate them on what constitutes a balanced diet, be emphatic when it comes to the serious risks of underrating or purging behaviour. Only once they are older, and when they have consistently demonstrated they have no problems with food, should a qualified and trained professional begin to approach them with more specific or targeted dietary interventions (with caution) IF necessary.